School countdown... 14 hours...

Man, classes begin in a matter of hours. It is a weird thought. I feel more unprepared, more nervous, and more anxious to begin than I EVER remember.

I still don't really have my schedule. I have to show up and beg the teachers to let me in their classes, (this is no ones fault but my own! I procrastinated even looking at classes until I knew I had money so I suppose it serves me right... ) God you know what classes I should be in and You know what my semester holds... please be gentle with my heart this semester. I'm on the verge of tears right now and I don't have the slightest idea of why! (No it is not "that time of the month" in fact not even close! I'm assuming that was your first guess!)

Something is going on in my heart I just don't know what it is. Sad that I am so clueless as to what my own heart is feeling - but then I can look at a person and know exactly what's going on... what are my fears...

1. failing - not my classes, but failing in being able to juggle it all - work#1 work#2 and school

2. failing so badly I won't be able to graduate in May because I didn't work as hard as I should have

3. failing my friends because I will inevitability sink into a shell and just hide because of stress

4. failing my family because I won't be able to be there for my brother who is dealing with his first year at public school, or my little sister who just moved out and who graduates from beauty school in Dec., or my older sister because she just ended a 2yr relationship and just needs some extra love...

5. failing my mom - she is alone... enough said...

Lord I want to "fix" all these problems, I want to "help" all these people I don't want to let anyone down. Lord my heart is heavy with this fear of failure. Help show me that it's okay to fail, that I won't be loved any less by You or by my family/ friends. Lord, You are my sovereign father, you are my "all sufficient one" Help me remember this throughout this semester.

I love you Lord.

goodnight Jesus.