Grateful -

I am so grateful for those the Lord has put in my life throughout the years. Specifically today for Jen Weaver. The Lord has blessed me more than I could have imagined by putting Jen in my life. I adore our conversations about life, the Lord and of course relationships! Jen is the most hospitable woman I have ever met! Anyone who meets her sees this in her. The Lord has blessed her with an incredible family who love the Lord, love eachother, and love others with their whole hearts. You can't escape this kind of love in her family. Jen is realistic, grounded, humble, and has a heart that seeks the Lord. She knows who she is, there is no doubt in her confidence. She will be there the minute there is a problem, she solves problems, she irons out the wrinkles, she's incredible. The pain in her life is never bigger than the Lord, she knows this without doubt. She has dreams, and passion for family, dreams I know the Lord will fulfill. Her hearts desire is to "be there" to help, to give, to chat, to just listen.

Jen is a fabulous cook, a "great" distracted driver (blackberry messenger, email, calls, google etc all at once!!). She laughs and it lights up the room, she is the one who brings the party together, she is always late, yet she is always "on time" ;) She loves her some 90210, because she wasn't allowed to watch it as a kid! She and I could go on about the awful "christiany" things we did as a kid! If you need something Jen most always has it! She loves fireworks and country music more than anyone I know!

Jen Weaver, is an incredible gift. She will forever be my friend. She is moving home for a job that she has wanted for years. I pray the Lord blesses her opens up opportunities, gives her community that support and appreciate her.

Jen you are wonderful, you will be missed more than you know! The girls in 2108 will not be the same without you around! I love you friend!

Patience and Submission!

Last night at Bible study we started talking about submission. What a dreadful word (especially if you're a woman)! after my little incident of getting arrested - and coming to the awfully peaceful conclusion that the Lord is using this to show me discipline, I have decided I am going to stop speeding. HOLY COW THIS IS HARD! I know I speed, I like to go fast, I know I am in control (mostly), and honestly I don't care that I speed. I really don't. In fact - I have always considered slow drivers "BAD drivers." Well guess what?! I have spent the last few days in the S.L.O.W. lane. Kill me! Mind you I drive a ton. Lets do the math - I spend about 4 hours a day in my car. That is a lot of slow driving. About an hour of that is spent with 3 awful children in my back seat.

Patience, Submission. This is my sacrifice right now. I am trying to use my time driving as more of my quiet time, since I am usually just going on to the next and don't seem to have enough time to just BE. My car is becoming a time for me to memorize Scripture, pray for my family, friends, and for my sanity! I haven't enjoyed going slow yet (notice how I still call it "slow" rather than "the speed limit"), but I am sure I will get there, hopefully! I find it quite funny that speeding is such a spiritual issue for me!

Lord thank you for teaching me, for growing me, for taking time to reveal my sin, my pride, and my bitterness.

Lord... help me to drive slow!

Discipline is never fun...

In reading this be prepared to hear hard truth, this last few weeks have been filled lots of hard truths, lots of tears, and lots of laughter thrown in the midst!

Last week consisted of 5 tests, a flat tire (in my rental car none-the-less) and running out of gas (also in my rental car!). This week brought the returning of grades of the previous 5 tests, realizing I might not pass BioChem because I got a 33/75 on my first test (by far the worst F I have ever received on a test), balancing my check book and again noticing I really need better jobs, and need to work less. Having the hard truth set in a bit more when it comes to my dad and how he chooses to live his life, and just how far he has come from the dad I remember protecting me as a little girl. The winner of all this came in a nice shinny silver package on my wrists ..... I GOT ARRESTED.

I speed... a lot... I need to slow down. I was driving to work at 4 am and I got pulled over for speeding (80 in a 65). Which already sent me over the edge just the thought of ANOTHER TICKET in a month (I got a ticket for my car accident 3 weeks ago). I was just crying and praying to the Lord for mercy and just crying all the tears I have been holding back since I got in the wreck, and all of the above "issues" I've experienced recently. Friendly Officer Auer returns and tells me to get out of the car - I do - and I end up in the holding cell at the 4th Ave jail. Three years ago there was a JYNORMOUS misunderstanding between me, the MVD and the courts, which lead me to get arrested and ticketed for everything in the world. My wonderful mom and I spent about 700 dollars, at least 2 weeks and lots and lots of frustrating conversations to get this situation figured out. It was, and even came with an apology from the judge as well as lots of signatures, seals and stamps saying my warrant was recalled and my name was in the clear. apparently not.... Mr Auer seemed to be under the impression that I still had the above mentioned warrant out for my arrest and thus "took me in!" - well I have to call the courts tomorrow and set up a court date to again figure this out - not to mention I have a court date on Thursday for my accident ticket and also now have a speeding ticket....

I have been just praying and asking the Lord to reveal what it is He wants me to learn! what is the point of all of this? What is it I am just not getting? Was this really the only way to teach be the unknown lesson? WHY? Lord I really am fed up - annoyed and simply just mad! I feel like I have already had enough "go wrong" this past few years, and at least the past few weeks! Today as I was running the "Race for the Cure" The Lord gave me this verse -

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

AHH that is the worst verse to be given! NO I refuse! This is not my verse! haha these were the words I have been screaming since then! I just got home from my day and read all of Hebrews 12, Peace, Tears, Frustration, and Understanding flooded over me. The words are undeniable. The Father choose me. He Loves me. I am His daughter, the one He wants to see strengthened, not brought down, not abandoned, but HEALED.

How incredible is my Father? How painful have these weeks been? Who is bigger?

How do I handle these circumstances? How do I just "take it"? How do I have faith? How come I feel so loved? How do I have grace?

WHY AM I SO DESERVING OF THIS LOVE? I am not... that is the beauty of MY GOD, MY FATHER.

....two years ago I tattooed the words FAITH behind my ear.... If only I knew then just how deeply I would grow to understand that word....

"You know my inner most being, Even better than I know, than I know myself What a beautiful God, What a beautiful God And what am I, that I might be called Your child What am I, what am I That You might know me, my King What am I, what am I, what am I"

Shawn McDonald "Beautiful"

My Question of the Past Two Weeks -

Why was that necessary? I asked this starting about 2 weeks ago as I was leaving work at 9am (cause I start at 4:30am) to head to school, when Mr. Man pulled out in front of me on the very empty highway. Then I asked that again as he slammed on his breaks, and then yet again as I clipped his bumper trying to avoid completly smashing him, and as he went spinning into the median - "Why was that necessary?" I (being really quiet fine, and with only minor damages to my car) proceed to pull over and being the headache - recounting to policeman 1, 2, and 3 what happened, oh then EMT 1 and fireman 1 and 2... not to mention my mom - "why was that necessary!" My headache begins to worsen as I get a ticket, (because in AZ no matter what happened, you hit someone from behind it's your fault), and as I watch Mr. Man get taken away in an ambulance, (He wasn't wearing his seat belt) really... "why was that necessary?!" So since my car is driveable and I am totally fine - I proceed to get off the freeway and gather myself, and meet my mom before I go to school.

My mom is wonderful - she left her duties, hoped in her car, drove on 3 major freeways to just... be there. This is one of those things that some moms wouldn't, and this is another reason why I think she is incredible.

Aside from that bit of information about my mom -she encourages me to just call my insurance now and set up a claim and all that, so I do , and I begin to recount the story to not 1 not 2 but 3 separate insurance people - thanks GEICO for all your programed "I am so glad you're okay Mrs Huff," "Well good thing you're okay Mrs Huff," "It sure is a good thing you're okay Mrs. Huff." First of all - You don't know me and really you don't care you just have to say that (and you know that is less money you have to dish out). Second of all I am NOT a MRS! "why was that necessary?"

So after about an hour conversation with the GEICO people I have the claim set up and I just have to fax prof of the accident over to them because I have only been with their company for 3 weeks. Instead of going to school I decide in the time I have before I have to to job #2 I will so home and find a fax machine and get it all done. (That was a bad decision because on Thursday when I show up to class again I find out I missed a pop quiz/in class assignment in every class "why was that necessary?!")

Well luckily I didn't know that then because I went home and rested! I was flooded with texts and calls from all of my wonderful friends making sure I was okay and letting me know I was being prayed for. It is such a blessing to see how your friends show up in times like this. My roommate Katelin's fiance was busily asking me if I wanted a meal! I must say I have never experienced the "Texas gentleman" before and it was sweet! The Lord is good. Kathy Mason in her sneaky ways kept insisting that I not be alone and I, of course, kept insisting that I was more than fine and I wanted to be alone. About 30 min after she and I hang up Shey walks in flower in hand and ready to serve. Kathy might have been right. "its not good for man to be alone!" ;)

Okay Lord, what are you doing? What is the lesson? "Why was that necessary?!" I feel as though this couldn't be worse timing? Dealing with car stuff has to be the most stressful thing in the world for me! I don't know about everyone else but I seriously hate it! I sent an email to everyone I have ever met and asked for advice! I even talked to a friends mom whom I had never met because I am so clueless! Now, I can change a tire, my oil, and be able to tell what is wrong with my car by the sound, but throw insurance into the mix and I am helpless! My wonderful Father's advice was to find a shop that would pad their estimate so I wouldn't have to pay my deductible - um sketchy!

I was hoping at least my car would be considered totaled. My car doesn't have working AC, it has 142000 miles on it, the rear struts are shot, i've put about $3000 into it since I bought it on repairs alone, and the back hatch doesn't stay open so I prop it up with a stick... just stupid minor things, but still It would be a miracle if I was able to sell it for more than $4000. I was excited when I got the call and they told m the total damage was $4200 because I thought I would be able to convince them that it was totaled - no I was wrong - they don't care - grrr "why is that necessary?!"

""For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD." That is why it was necessary - I don't have control. I don't know why. I know I am blessed, I know people die from minor car accidents daily. I know people don't have moms who drive 30 min "to the rescue." I know people have to be alone, not by choice in times like that.

I still don't know why - my car couldn't have been totaled, that to me would be an obvious sign that God is taking care of me... but that is not how He choose to show himself to me. I am still stressed, I am still confused at the purpose, I still don't understand His timing. I believe He loves me, He wants me to trust Him ALONE, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"

I don't know how I'd survive without the hope that is in Christ.

"Please give me time to decipher the signs, Please forgive me for time that I've wasted, I'm a doubting Thomas, I'll take Your promise, Though I know nothing's safe, Oh me of little faith"

*song by Nickel Creek - "Doubting Thomas"

The Joy's of Baking!

Oh man! There are no words to describe how much I LOVE to cook and bake! I get almost giddy talking about it. I was at work, and after a very hectic and irritating morning I knew there was no way I was going to drive 45 min to school for a 50 min class. (No thank you!) After deciding on ditching school, it took me about .05 seconds to realize I was going to be able to BAKE! This realization literally made me speed home, put my apron on, and just go for it! I knew I was going to be going to a game night tonight so I had even more of an excuse to go crazy! (okay, you really have no idea how excited cooking makes me! I am ridiculous!) My final decision was - A lime tart in a fresh pastry crust - yum! so I began mixing the butter, sugar, flour and salt to make the pastry dough, then pop it in the oven out it comes lightly browned, slightly sweetened and perfect! The lime custard - (after a quick run to my local Whole Foods) and its zesting, squeezing, mixing, whisking, melting and then pouring this perfection into the crust where it awaits to be eaten in a matter of hours!

As if this wasn't enough (because it will be enough for the 4 friends I'm seeing tonight) waiting for me at Whole Foods was a delicious ripe basket of FIGS! As I wandered around I found mascarpone cheese! Oh delightful! Mix that with a little honey, vanilla and cinnamon, stick that with a few figs on top of a little pastry pie and beautiful! Oh man I love food and cooking!

Dessert for tonight... Check!

I Love being in the kitchen, I love doing things like, going to the grocery store, doing the dishes and just cooking...anything (and everything)! I think I was meant to be a 1950's wife! I would be the lady bringing pies to the new neighbors, cupcakes to the birthday parties and just great food to all the cul-de-sac gatherings (and let's not forget the great outfits I would find to wear also)! So my friends, when we live in our commune it is going to be a flash back to the 50's- who's with me!! Okay maybe not but who doesn't want to be able to wear those fantastic dresses and bake delicious pies on a daily basis?!

Okay time to end my rant about food - just know, if you ever need help cooking please just call me - I would love nothing more!

Thank you Jesus for this food - AMEN!